by Tula Heung
The top blonde jokes below are from the book 100% Blonde Jokes. Check it out now for 100s of top blonde jokes.
The Blonde Farmer A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Of course the farmer is a blonde. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?” The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.” “How?” asks the man, puzzled. “Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!”
You Gotta Jump A brunette, a redhead and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the brunette, “Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to survive!” The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato. “C’mon! Jump! You gotta jump!” say the firemen to the redhead. “Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!” says the redhead. “No! It’s brunettes we can’t stand! We’re OK with redheads!” “OK,” says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, “Jump! You have to jump!” “No way! You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!” yelled the blonde. “No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!” “Look,” the blonde says. “Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it…”
Yell for Help Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out. After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others “I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together.” The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly “Together, together, together.”
Only Three Doors An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?” The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”
Make It Off the Island There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, “I’m going to try to swim to shore.” So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, “I wonder if she made it. I guess it’s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve.” So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, “I wonder if they made it! I think I’d better try to make it, too.” So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, “I’m too tired to go on!” So she swam back.
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